When I first sat down to write my book, my only intention was simple: to help others. I wasn’t thinking about business strategies, book launches, or what might come next. I certainly wasn’t imagining what it would feel like to start a business.
And yet, here I am- living in a world where writing from the heart turned into building something much bigger, something that has demanded more of me than I ever expected.
And if I’m being honest? It has melted me at times. It has filled me with anxiety. I constantly check myself- is this ego creeping in?
Is this about fame, money, or self-importance?
Or is it still about serving others, still about being obedient to what I felt called to do?
The truth is, I want to provide for my family.
I want to ease the financial pressure of life. And sometimes that desire feels like a weight, one that pushes me to hustle harder and harder, even when I know I’m supposed to be practicing presence and trust. I wrestle with wanting to manifest provision into reality, while also fearing that I might cross into selfishness or greed.
This tension is real. It’s messy. And I don’t have neat answers.
What I do know is this: business is only the vehicle, not the mission. The mission is love, healing, and truth. Business is simply what carries it further. Providing for my family is not greed, it’s love. Building something that sustains us isn’t selfish, it’s stewardship.
Still, surrender is the hardest part. There is a deep fear inside me that says: If I give it all to God, will He ask me to sacrifice more than I can bear? After all, so many of the stories in the Bible involve loss, trial, or even death. And that fear makes me want to cling tighter, to try to control outcomes, to avoid pain.
But here’s what I’m learning: surrender doesn’t mean giving up joy, family, or even financial stability. It means opening my hands and saying, “God, I will do my part. I will be faithful with what You’ve given me. And I trust You with the rest.”
So today, instead of spiraling into hustle or guilt, I am choosing presence. I am choosing to do the next right step. I am choosing to believe that provision, when it comes through service and love, is not greed- it’s grace.
Maybe this isn’t the kind of blog post that offers a three-step solution. But maybe it’s the kind that reminds us we’re not alone in the wrestle.